"Things happen unexpectedly,and prayers may not come true,
But effort brings results that neither thoughts nor prayers can do."

My dad lost money again,from his savings and apparently someone took it.
It kills me,and it's just so awkward when my mom came over to tell me bout it.

Cause i know who did it,and thats the damn problem.I just kept silent and nodded my head,
for i dared not look up at her.It's not me,i'd never do anything like that,well i once did.
I was in primary school back then and i found a small wallet in a drawer,and in a bid to fund my
thirst for ridiculous stuff like pokemon cards,and stuff like that,i took two dollars a day.
Nevertheless my luck ran out one fine day,and my dad screamed his head off at me,not to forget
the thrashing i had.Somehow it went deep in me and i never once carried a thought bout
stealing.

I tried being a good brother,covering for him the last time i found out bout what he did,i warned
him to never do it again and let the incident go.But deep down i knew it wouldn't just end at
that.I hate being put in such a dilemma,just torn between protecting him or just letting him face
the consequences.He's changed,and when i thought i was the worst kid my parents had,with my
fights in school,forging of signatures,bgr,etc.But somehow my brother seems to be "out-doing"
me in all fields except studies.

It looks like Rui has to get serious bout studying,cause he has realised his parents are placing loads of hope on him making it to university.So much that they're dangling a carrot in front of me,trying to get me off my lazy bum and start moving.The carrot?Monetary award.The amount?1k.It's not so much bout the money,but through this i've realised that they're desperate for me to make it there,and me wanting to be a good son wants them to swell in pride and bask in happiness...

So much for looking forward to my holidays,it's time to start a five hour study day...

Have you ever laughed and felt like crying at the same time?That's what i'm doing right now,it seems that one of my fellow project work group members screwed our written report by somehow confusing yes and maybe as the same thing,thus messing up our statistics...

And after we investigated who the culprit was....oh by the way we're two stressed up people and our reactions might be inappropriate or just..weird..by the way we don't hate our group member..

<> ben-ness says:
OMG
<> ben-ness says:
IT'S F$#%&@G ( Annoynomous)!
rui-ness ` are you watching closely? says:
F$%&IN ( Annoynomous)!
<> ben-ness says:
OMG
<> ben-ness says:
HOW COME IM LAUGHING
rui-ness ` are you watching closely? says:
SAME
rui-ness ` are you watching closely? says:
LOL
rui-ness ` are you watching closely? says:
IM NOT SHOCKED
<> ben-ness says:
WAD'S WORNG WITH US
<> ben-ness says:
IT'S OUR WR

God i hate pw...especially on days like this,when my part is affected due to some "Careless" hindsight on someone else's part.

I don't wanna disappoint or bring sorrow,i just want people to smile.

I want to be there for those around me,be it a listening ear or more.

But sometimes it's hard to not disappoint,sometimes i'm stumped.

Dilemma often follows,i don't wanna be a jerk or a bastard,

But its hard to please everyone sometimes...it's just so hard..

As i walked to the school gate,and saw people going home,(Well i was late,but not that late!=x)it suddenly struck me that i kinda miss secondary school.It never occurred to me that sometimes being controlled in a strict disciplined environment would be good.I miss the times when everyone had to hide and secretly use a handphone.I miss the times when being late meant detention,and you had to run like crazy to make it.

But what i miss most is having a classroom where you could walk in and proudly say,"This is MY class!"I miss the disney cartoon paintings in my old class!And most importantly,remember the times when you guys got to put your trademark signatures or identification drawings on your table that you called your own?I really do miss having my own table,where it doubled as my locker cause i was just too lazy to walk to my own locker.

Back then the class used to be pretty warm so we bought fans and we used to get to fight over the fan!RAWR!

Volleyball training today!Looked forward to it,but right before training,stupid me sprained my ankle.It sounds dumb,people would normally sprain their ankle cause they're running,or playing soccer or stuff like that right?Who the hell sprains their ankle walking to retrieve a soccer ball.God i feel dumb!

My life's all project work now,so looking forward to friday night,and saturday too!Friday cause i'm meeting up with old pals,my ex-colleagues.And saturday cause me and my best buds are going to chill and hang out together!Belated birthday dinner!

Alright time to go off to study my geography,or i'd have to do that pussycat dolls dance for my geog teacher if i can't answer her question!

The card and the box of brownies!

Ate a brownie and it tasted great!All of which with a "S" on it!=)

Thank you to all the people who remembered,and a bigger thank you to those who made an effort to make it special!!I do appreciate it alot!

The clock struck twelve and then came all the birthday wishes,which startled the me who was trying to get to sleep,so as not to be late for school.(anyway i was late..again..)
But no harm done!Cause all your sms-es brought about a smile.=)

Went to school and i received a gift from su zhen,ber,soo and rach!Thank you guys,really,for the effort in baking the brownies and making the card!I really do appreciate it alot!

My birthday came and i made a wish,8 months ago i knew what my wish was gonna be.And 8 months from then,now,i made another.I wished i would forget you and what you've done,much as i would love to remember the good,the bad just clouds everything.The hurt i felt left a scar,and i would wish for it to be removed along with the person who made it.I made a pact with myself on my birthday,that you'll be out of my life,and you will cease to exist in my heart.I'm gonna reserve the you for someone who deserves it and for someone who means much more.=)

Leehom's concert!!And finally the day arrived after much anticipation!The only setback was that no cameras were allowed,nor are you allowed to even take a photo with your phone.ARgh!Well i took one and then i got scolded =x. He was just great,almost perfect,(It'd be perfect if i talked to him!But i think i'd just faint..) Started with the theme song and then he went on to comment that he had a huge crush on kit chan!

I think i've fallen in love with him even more,who wouldn't with him serenading the whole crowd especially with his trademark Kiss goodbye!His puppy eyes almost seem to twinkle when he sings and looks at you,ahhh can't take it anymore!(Ok i sound pretty gay..=x)

The multi talented leehom went on to play the guitar,piano,drums,er-hu and violin.Now thats what you call talent!He oozed with charm as he worked the audience,getting us to sing along and it was hilarious when he fooled around.It's just impressive at how one man,can command such a huge audience and seem so composed at the same time.

Alright alright,to clarify i'm not lusting over him,(I'm not gay,i'm really not!) i think what captures me the most is that he's much more talented than a whole bunch of "musicians" or "singers" out there.What more can you ask for from a guy who composes and writes his own songs,plays a variety of instruments,and dance as well.And other than adoring his good looks,i think the most respect he commands from me is probably that he's proud he's chinese.Growing up in New York didn't make him forget his roots,and somehow it made his heritage and culture more resplendent.

When he began his exit from stage after the concert,it felt weird,with the euphoria still strong,and a string tugging at my heart,sadness mixed with excitedness.But it all washed away when i remembered his last words,"Thank you Singapore!See you guys next year!" =)

The silhouette of you so prominent despite resting amidst the fog that covers.

Yet like kryptonite,you make me weak,but stirs the every emotion in my heart.

My desire burns,heart aching,and feet weary,i keep trying to reach for you,yet a game

of eluding me you seem to be playing.One day,just one day i'll finally be able to grasp you,and i'll

finally know,who you are..




I thought that perhaps you might have been what they call the one.

I thought that maybe,just maybe..you were sent from up above.

But all right now,a tear streaks across your once perfect image.

I guess I thought wrong..

Rui's feeling elated today!Mainly due to the fact that he managed to finally go to the gym today!

After bringing his gym stuff to school for 5 days consecutively and then failing to make it to the

gym,he has finally broke the duck today!Gym was practically shit,i feel weaker and fatter!

I've decided to make it compulsory to gym at least twice a week without procrastinating

cause reason number one,i've grown fatter.And reason number two,i still want my six pack.T_T

Volleyball training resumes tomorrow and i'm half looking forward to it,it'd be totally awkward

and i'm praying noone asks any questions.And i'm praying emma remembers to bring the soccer
ball so we can play during volleyball training.=x

Sitting on the chair,sipping coffee and enjoying the tranquility and serene atmosphere of the

morning somehow feels great.It's so peaceful and for a moment it seems perfect,well i had the

pleasure of doing that today,due to some minor complications with my phone's alarm.=x

Had a great sunday,finally had a haircut and then chill-out session with my ex-school mates.

Realised my good friend still hasn't quit smoking,it's been half a year since he last said "This is

my last pack alright!" And till now he's procrastinating even further,saying he'd quit when he

gets to 18 years of age.It irks me to see people being half-hearted,people who keep telling

themselves time is on their side.People never learn that procrastinating often leads to "if only"s

and by then who could ever bring back lost time,and reverse the things done...

Wake me up,when October 20th ends....cause it'd be the 21st and i just can't wait!=))

I've gotten back all of my papers,and well my results really do suck.

But miraculously Rui has managed to get promoted! =)

His friend on the otherhand though,didn't.

Wasn't exactly happy,cause not everyone got promoted along with me,and this feeling is just..weird..

Bye dear friend..see you in the canteen next year!We'd all miss you...truly..

Timo,jing and mich in front of us!And dom was scared all the way haha!

My sweetest classmates!

Class outing to Sentosa beach today!Finally one outing that worked out pretty well with most people turning up and enjoying themselves.Can't seem to upload any photos tonight so i guess i'd do it tomorrow!

We spent most of our time navigating around on the bus and the tram deciding on which beach to chill at,and finally after travelling to siloso then palawan beach,and then back to siloso again,we decided that siloso it was!Luge ride before beach volleyball was pretty fun too,i loved the cable ride back up,oh and dominic's afraid of heights!!haha..he nearly freaked out when we tried to shake the cable car!

Pool session after sentosa and then it was farewell to most of the people,ended up cabbing home with michelle and jing cause i was just way too tired.

"If you were to write someone's name with yours,don't you ever write it on the sand.For it takes just the wind,or the waves to erase all that you wrote.Carve it on a palm tree,where it remains engraved for the many years to come.I once wrote our names on the sand,and i once sat with you at this spot.Now i'm here again,the breeze ever so gentle,and the sound of the waves lapping against the shore,still soothing to the ears.And when i close my eyes,all i see,the skies dark again,and you by my side.You whispered a wish,a wish that the moment would last forever.I prayed in my heart,a prayer that would keep us together.We held and for that moment,i thought i felt you in my arms once again.And just when i said i love you,a tear glided down,and it all became never.Back here,with a strangely familiar taste that flowed along my cheek,a pain so deep.Today,the winds still whisper,and waves still sing,it seemed they shared the grieve for me.Today i was here without you..

I'm not the kind who shows care and concern to people,especially when the person is closer to me.
Somehow it's always misplaced,in people whom i really shouldn't bother much or care about.
Don't know why,but i just find it hard to show the care and concern i mean from my heart to people close to me,like my family.There's just this,"It's understood" feeling,and i always tell myself that the best thing i can give my mom and dad is keeping my sorry ass outta trouble and harm's way.

All this while i'd remind myself,to stay outta trouble,stay outta gangs,and to not pick up smoking,basically stuff that would make them worry for me and feel bad about.But lately,i realised,that ain't enough,cause all that,are basically stuff i oughta know would hurt me more than anyone else,they're just basic things that can't pass off as care and concern.I've made up my mind,i'm gonna start tomorrow,and now that my dad's birthday is coming,i'm gonna get him a present.And for my mom,i'm gonna bring her out for dinner.

I can't screw my life up anymore,my mom places probably the most of her hope on me making it to the uni,and i'm gonna set a benchmark for my younger brothers.I've been a lousy brother,but thats gonna change.That day i realised my brother is growing up,he's changed,but not for the good.It hurt me a little to see him becoming bad,his attitude's changed,in his studies and to my parents.This has spurred me to set a better example,someone he can look up to at least,i don't wanna see him ruin his life.And i'm not letting any shitty friends he has ruin it,and i'm gonna kill any idiot who tries to influence him to pick up a ciggarette.

Life is meaningless when you live it for yourself,
The value in life is when you live for others,
cause whether or not you accept it,
Your life intertwines with some other.

A quote i saw,

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

-Unknown

Woke up from my afternoon nap as usual,and when i rubbed my eyes and looked out of the window i thought my eyesight deteriorated from all that gaming.Well,it wasn't,and i hope it hasn't.=x

Caught the flick rob-b-hood on thursday with my peeps,and i really enjoyed the movie.It's so funny seeing jackie and louis khoo baby sitting,by the way jackie's the daddy and louis' the mommy!!Oh oh and the baby was super super cute!With gigantic eyes that shine!Haha i'm so gonna look for a wife with huge eyes too and have a kid with big round eyes!Alright random dream!

Played soccer at the usual place with the usual gang,and i utterly regretted when i saw how bad the haze was on the way home.My poor lungs must be dying from all that smoke,and i thought i was improving my stamina.Sheesh...

I saw you through the fog and mist and for a moment i saw an angel..
Through all that i saw you,yet through all that i lost you..

Friends make up a huge part of a person's life,and i'm just glad i have so many great ones around me!Some come and go,some come and just..urm...hog that place for a really long time.Reminiscing brings me back to all the lows in my life,and truly i think a real friend is one whom saw you cry,laugh,being angry,moody and being stupid!

I was pretty lucky to have them being there for me,to ease the pain.Yes it's you ben and yanisa!I haven't really said thank you,but i want you guys to know deep down inside,i'm so so grateful for you guys being there that night.That night i can never forget,what that person did i would never forget too.But i want to thank you for doing what you did,or otherwise i'd never have realised the friends whom stand true to me.

And those friends in school!Timo,dom and ben!Muahah..life can't be the same without you,timo and dom ever bickering over the slightest stuff,as for ben and me?We'd be looking at the cool chicks passing by!(See what you miss out when you two keep arguing over small stuff!)
Life can't be the same in school when you don't have people around to share that "i'm gonna flunk" feeling.I'm so gonna miss school cause of you guys when we graduate.OH and timothy please get promoted!

Then there's emmanuel and justina who accompanies me to school every morning and i never fail to enjoy them arguing over whose nicest and whose the best!Well,in my opinion theres nothing to argue about really!cause,RUI'S THE NICEST AND BEST!(If you guys are reading this!=x)

And there're so so many others i haven't even mentioned!Rui's gonna go collect all of your photos and then i'd worship you guys at home alright!Holidays are coming and i can't wait to see all of you people!

Lastly i would like to state that the above are all for the sake so that my friends wouldn't give me a clay figurine for my birthday!=x
Oh and ben,i don't need any present,the best one you guys can give is just being there for me.XD P.s this sentence was made in the hope that i really don't get clay figurines.

Grow up please,your thinking matches the age you look,where mundane stuff looks cool.

Don't you pick up that ciggarette,stupid people do that.

You're struggling to just find an identity,to potray an image that no one calls weak.

Looks are primary for you,but maybe one day it'd all hit you it isn't.It's the weakest factor.

Your fake veil draws untrue people whom are just unsincere,yes i'm calling you a fake.

Right now what you do,yes it doesn't concern me,but i just want you to know,i would give

everything for you to never touch ciggs.

Woke up with a migrane headache,and my stomach hurt like hell for god knows what reason.
I must be down with flu,courtesy of Dominic..arghh...
Well exams is unofficially over,couldn't be any happier!But geog paper sucked.
It's pretty much the first time i ever had like an hour plus to sleep,and its not because it's too easy.
I slept during the geog paper and had a pretty good dream,guess what!I dreamt i passed geog!=x Alright just kidding,any dream concerning exams is a nightmare,well i slept pretty soundly.

Off to R-E-L-A-X and recuperate!

It's always good to de-stress when you have an exam the very next day and you've just started studying on it.And no i wasn't drawing some car picture on the paper,its called a physics diagram.


Reflection!

Looked around,and then i saw the number 21!Can't wait for it to come!21st of october!And leehom's in town already!=)))

I swore to god that when next year comes,and assuming that i somehow got promoted to j2,i'm never gonna study last minute anymore.Cause sitting your ass at the BK in the airport is a really cold experience and if your exam happens to be tomorrow,you'd get that end of the world feeling as each tick of the clock means an impending doom.

Well at least today i had my quite a number of my ex-classmates there with me,and it was fun in a way.Put a whole bunch of horny guys,oops!Ok male hormone charged guys together,and you get a girl oogling session during dinner!Haha it was fun to just sit there and then talk bout the cute girls who worked at the shops in the terminal,and just laugh at each other's past.For example,i found out today,one of my guy friends got into some fight during secondary one over some girl,and he ended up getting tossed,yea literally alrite!And there came the one where another got beaten up for "allegedly" touching some Ah beng's girl.And yes up till today i still sincerely believe my friend's not innocent.=x

So anyway,mugging with your pals can be fun in a way,when you minus the exam factor,and times the fun factor by the number of people!I'm praying hard right now,that i don't get a freaking U grade this time.